Why Marriages Are In Trouble? By Lt. Col. Mini Saxena

Why Marriages are in Trouble by Lt. Col. Mini Saxena

Divorce nowadays is no more a taboo in a sense as more and more people are realizing that they no longer have to stay in marriages. Why should they?

1. Introduction

As we immerse ourselves in modernity, Indian society is surely finding an altogether new meaning of marriage, at least in some cases where marriage signifies part compromise, part adjustment and a miniscule part called ‘love’. While earlier, having personality differences with the life partner was considered to be the spice of the relationship, now these very individual differences have started spelling down for Indian couples.

Imagine you tell your spouse, she cooks pathetic food and having a dossier called  ‘Divorce Papers’ home delivered to you next day! Shocking isn’t it? Well that’s precisely is happening in our families right now.

2. Institution of Marriage 

Marriage consists of the rule and regulations which define the rights, duties and privileges of Husband and Wife with respect to each other.

Marriage is the approved social pattern whereby two or more persons establish a family.

3. Trends of Escalation Of Marital Discords in India

While India stands first in world with lowest rate of divorce, with only 1% of marriages ending up in Divorce .Whereas the percentage of data of developed nations of the world is much more higher. But does lower divorce rate means happy marriages? Divorce is still considered a taboo in large parts of the country, idea of divorce is still very unusual in rural parts of India. Although there are separations but couples often do not ask for Divorce legally. It is a lot more than just social pressure that prevents people from seeking a divorce – our entire socio – economic, cultural and political framework is built on the blueprint of the household unit.

4. Expectations from marriages

Believing that marriage should always be a source of constant joy and fulfillment is an unhealthy expectation. In reality, all relationships have their ups and downs and its normal to experience challenges. Marriage require commitment and continuous nurturing. For a healthy marriage, quit expecting your spouse to be flawless or meet all your needs. No one is perfect and it’s essential to accept and love your partner for who they are. Hoping that there will never be any conflict or disagreements in the marriage is an unrealistic expectation. Partners can’t always have the same interests, goals and perspective ,it’s natural to have individual differences assuming that your spouse should understand your thoughts and feelings without explicit communication is another sign that you are keeping false expectation, healthy communication is crucial for understanding each other’s needs and desires.

5. Where are we going wrong in marriages?

Divorce nowadays is no more a taboo in a sense as more and more people are realizing that they no longer have to stay in marriages. We often fail to display love to our partners which is the primary cause of divorces. In today’s world roles of family members are changing ,it’s very common to see single parents with children ,people are not ashamed of the status of being single father and single mother.With both partners working, the age old defined roles for men and women have changed and many times this often lead to differences. Today families have become materialist, happiness is often measured in terms of luxury and fancy items, the real pleasure of a family life is diminishing in the light of materialistic pleasure. The stressful lifestyles is one of the major factors of increasing divorce rates ,it often becomes difficult for people to maintain work and family balance, which adds on the frustration level of the individuals. With modernization seeking divorce has become very easy, even for the slightest of the differences in ideas couples keep this option handy .With all these issues involved the challenges to keep the marriages is becoming difficult however with early intervention and better understating the marriages can be saved.

6. Is marriage a problem or a solution?

No relationship is without its challenges, in terms of marriages if we see in older times marriage used to be a sacred institution and people used to take it as their duty to fulfill the responsibilities of the families, roles of the spouses were clearly determined by the social factors and there used to be seamless execution of duties by the partners which primarily included looking after family members, raising children and their education ,involvement of the elders of the family members in the household issues and so on, divorce and separation were considered taboo. However in the modern times the roles of elder in families is negligible, changing lifestyles, financial independence ,growing materialism, upbringing of the children, stressful working conditions and intrusion of social media in our lives is taking a center stage in families and making it difficult for people to sustain a healthy married life.

7. Can Marriages be Protected?

Marriage can be both a fulfilling and tumultuous journey with its highs and lows. At the beginning of the marital life, all may seem happy and stable, but as life unfolds ,differences may begin to appear. There can be moments when the bond between partners feel strained and are on the verge of breaking. The disagreements, resentments and misunderstanding can create a chasm that seems insurmountable. Still little efforts can be made to save it from the fall  certain steps are listed below to enhance the marital values:

a) Cultivating Empathy

Make a conscientious effort to comprehend your partner’s point of view and acknowledge their emotions, empathy involves immersing yourself in their experiences, recognizing the validity of their feelings and appreciating their unique emotional needs.

b) Embracing Compromises

Embrace the concept of compromise willingly seeking solutions that resonate with all involved parties. This may entail discovering a middle ground or making concessions to reach resolutions acceptable to everyone.

c) Sharing Responsibilities

In situations where personal contributions have fueled conflict, take responsibility for your actions. Offer sincere apologies when necessary ,showcasing a genuine commitment to implement positive changes.

d) Effective Communication

Commence by cultivating an environment that champions open and honest communication, establish a safe place wherein each party feels free to articulate their thoughts, feelings and perspective without the looming fear of judgement. Couples must engage in reflection, examining the issues contributing the current state of their marriage.

e) Developing Healthy Conflict Resolution

Recognizing the inevitability of conflict, couples can navigate these challenges effectively by developing healthy conflict resolution skills, this involves assertively expressing needs, actively listening to each other’s perspectives, and collaboratively finding compromises. Shifting the focus from blame to solutions can transform the dynamics from destructive to constructive.

f) Patience and Perseverance

Saving a marriage which is on the brink of divorce necessitates a process that demands time, patience and unwavering perseverance. Healing wounds and rebuilding trust that requires a concerted effort from both partner. Celebrating small victories, sustaining commitment to the journey and acknowledge that progress may unfold gradually are essential elements of the transformative process.

g) Seeking Professional Help

Consider consulting a marriage counselor or therapist, introducing a neutral third party capable of providing valuable guidance, facilitating communication and offering insights that may prove challenges to attain without professional intervention.

Mini Saxena

Article Authored By

Lt. Col. Mini Saxena

Lt. Col. Mini Saxena serves as a counsellor in defence forces. She is working on spreading awareness on mental health in the far flung areas of India.

She is a keen educationist and has experience of managing Army Schools and Kendriya Vidyalayas across India. 

Disclaimer: This article has been written by a guest author as part of a mental wellbeing awareness campaign. You are advised to properly verify any advice given with qualified practitioners before following it. Also, for that reason it may not meet our usual standards. PsychoTech Services, Psychology Learners or any of its partner organisations, members or employees cannot be held liable for any damage or loss caused due to following the advice and recommendations given herein.

Join the discussion!
MJ Singh image
MJ Singh said…
So true. Just the one action of seeking professional help can save so many marriages!
March 25, 2024 at 12:15 PM
Emm Ess image
Emm Ess said…
Thanks for the valuable comment,there is always a ray of hope available even in the worst of the times,good intentions and will power that's all it takes,happy relationships.
March 25, 2024 at 12:20 PM
Surojit image
Surojit said…
The value the relationship adds to your life is the most important thing to remember, always. No rule, no pressure, no shaming can prevent a bond from falling apart in today's time.
March 27, 2024 at 1:50 AM
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